Should I or Should I not?

Hi semua, Assalamualaikum.

So, this week Syana punya LAST WEEK OF CLASS in Semester 4. But I'm having this big dilemma. I lost interest to continue my studies. I want to work, tapi Syana tak tahu apa yang mampu Syana lakukan.

At this point, Syana rasa sangat down. I have no friends by my side, and I have nothing. What can my Diploma in Mass Communication and Media Studies offers my career? How am I suppose to tell my parents about this? They are going to freak out, first Law now Journalism.

Mungkin sebab degil kot hidup Syana jadi macam ni. So adik-adik kat luar sana tu, listen to your parents, make them proud.

So, a few minutes ago Syana terfikir... I was not like this before. I enjoy studying, I enjoy reading, I enjoy.....writing. I was a brilliant student back then. Bukan membangga tapi it's fact. Sepanjang zaman sekolah, I never have to study HARD to score. The problem is, I don't study for my exam. Well, was that where I've gone wrong?

Syana lihat balik pada diri Syana dari sekolah rendah. Yes, I was that one smart kid. Syana sentiasa berada di kelas pertama atau kedua. Masuk sekolah menengah, sebab persaingan antara rakan-rakan sangat sengit, I dropped. But I was still in that first half class and my results weren't that bad.

PMR was there, this is where I start to give up. I work really hard with this girl sitting next to me. She's Indian and she's nice. When ever I sleep in class, she'll ask me to join her study. We even draw Map at our table. You know, masa tu kan ada geography and I suck at it. So kawan Syana ni akan ambil kapur, dan start lukis peta Malaysia. Lepas tu kita akan sama-sama tandakan one place and write apa yang ada kat tempat tu. Getah ke, Kepala Sawit ke.. Things like that.

And because of the hard work I did for PMR, I was hoping to achieve at least 6A 2B. I know my friend will get 8A's and she did. As for me, 4A and 4B was a disappointment. Some would say, it's not that bad. Tapi to me that is bad. I needed to get 8A's. I need to prove to my parents that I am as good as my sister and masuk MRSM.

Somehow, I still managed to get into Science class. Yet, I did my first mistake. I degil nak masuk technical school and took account. I hate it there, I choose to ignore my studies. End up, I'm at the last class in Form 5. Seriously, from a first class student to last class. It is not easy to deal with the situation.

Things happen, and I got lost. I almost give up and wanted to quit school. Tapi, lepas di basuh, I took my SPM exam. Honestly, I start studying the night before that paper. Bayangkan, 2 years punya belajar in one night. Who cares, I still did it and Alhamdulillah I did not fail any subjects and I still got 2A1. This time, I took the results positively.

So, there's my second mistake in life. Next, it was my biggest mistake that had change everything. The past 2 mistakes, I could still motivate and stand strong. Somehow, this next big thing happen really change my world. I quit my Law studies when I know I can do it without any problem. Bila sesuatu perkara yang terjadi itu berlaku tanpa kita sedari, ianya memakan diri.

I realized that my passion is writing, tv, script, camera... I let go of law and continue with masscomm. Yes! Biggest mistake ever! Tapi, to stay with law dengan kenangan pahit adalah lebih seksa. I have to choose and stay with Masscomm. Syana hanya berpegang pada kata-kata lecturer law Syana, "You have lost your past, don't ruin your future. You still have your future."

Kata-kata itu yang Syana pegang hingga Syana mendapat Diploma. Tapi apa yang berlaku ketika Degree adalah sesuatu yang terlampau jauh dari kotak fikiran Syana. Macam mana, how on earth Syana hilang interest in studying?

I'm tired of assignment, I'm tired with my classmate, I'm tired with booksss! Maybe, melihat kawan-kawan sebaya dengan Syana kini telah mempunyai kerjaya mendorong pada perkara ni, but that's not the main point. Syana dah tak mampu menukar segala negative tentang pelajaran yang dilontarkan pada Syana untuk ditukarkan kepada sesuatu yang positive. I've tried! But I just can't.

Dilemma, I want to quit but I know here in Malaysia education is everything. You takde Master, you're nothing. Masalahnya, otak budak ada Master pun kadang-kadang tak boleh pakai. Syana sanggup nak start dari bawah. Melalui kepayahan membina career. Sebab Syana percaya kepayahan itu akan dibalas dengan sesuatu yang baik. Dan hingga kini, Syana masih berharap disebalik segala kepahitan dan penyeksaan yang Syana lalui, akan ada kebahagiaan dan kesenangan yang menanti.

What should I do? Macam mana caranya lagi untuk Syana gain interest and habiskan Degree Syana?

P/s : Di satu ketika, Syana terasa mulut Syana sangat masin sebab masa form 4, ada cikgu pernah tanya satu kelas cita-cita kami. I was the only person in that class to answer, "I want to be an extra-ordinary housewife". In my defence, I'll have my own business to monitor but most of the time I'll be at home taking care of my kids and husband".