wahai manusia, aku benci kau dan kau.

aku berada di satu situasi dimana aku mula mual dan menyampah dengan seseorang. well, mungkin bukan seseorang tetapi beberapa orang. iya, aku mula benci dan menyampah. tak pernah-pernah dalam hidup aku, aku benci dan menyampah pada orang yang agak rapat dengan aku. kalau aku menjauhkan diri sekalipun, tidak lah sehingga aku membenci manusia itu. for sure, there's a reason for every actions i make. kenapa? kerana manusia yang aku baru benci itu telah buat tahi yang sangat melampau dalam hidup aku. saban tahun, saban semester aku bertahan.. tapi kalau orang dah buat palat takkan kita nak biarkan kan? offically, you are not my friend any more. both of you, will never be my friend anymore.

sorry la, aku dah mula meluat untuk dengar suara kau yang menyakitkan hati tu. aku dah mula benci untuk pandang muka kau yang langsung tak menyenangkan hati aku tu. dan aku mula tak hingin untuk even terlihat bayang-bayang kau berhampiran hidup aku. engkau, sememangnya sangat tak guna dan sangat tak penting dalam hidup aku. kalau engkau ingat hidup aku bakal berubah, mengjadi patah kalu silap. kehilangan kau langsung tak memberi sebarang kesan kepada aku.

kenapa? sebab otak kau kosong. sebab kau tak pernah reti buat keje. dan paling penting, kau tak pernah memberi kesenangan pada aku. haha.. damn you bitch!

Feelings of the emotion

If i could just shout to the world my feelings,
If i could just let the wind blow to tell the truth,
If i could just touch the sky and create stars,
But i can't.

As i walk, i keep on looking what's on my back.
Wishing that it would follow my steps till we find our best spot.
To stop and to have each kisses we waited for,
To touch each stars in the open sky,
To softly appreciate the wind blows,
To enjoy every moment together till death tears us apart.

aku yang bermulut pedas. jgn baca kalau takot terkena diri sendiri.

Syana peliklah dengan perangai certain manusia ni. kelakar sangat tau tak bila difikir-fikirkan balik. Meh, kita tengok sikit perangai-perangai manusia yang ada kat keliling Syana ni. (sila, kepada anda yang membaca tetapi tidak pernah melalui perkara atau situasi seperti ini... Manusia-manusia seperti ini WUJUD. Jangan terlalu bodoh dengan sandiwara dunia yang penuh dengan topeng dan plastik. Kerana ini lah reality kehidupan. Kalau Syana berbicara tentang bagaimana perwatakan wanita/perempuan di hadapan lelaki di sini, itu juga lah reality-nya. Dan andai kaum wanita ingin menghentam, silakan. Syana tidak kata semua wanita, tetapi kebanyakannya begini).

First, manusia ni penuh dengan plastik. Depan kita dia akan cakap lain tapi blakang kita, siap sedia lah sebab anda bakal di ngumpat. Reality/situasinya, engkau cakap kat aku yang engkau dah sangat fuckup dengan sorang mamat nie. Engkau kata mamat ni menggunakan engkau sebab engkau ada kereta. Kira macam, engkau di gunakan sekadar untuk makan aje lah. Tapi lepas tu, engkau sendiri ajak dia pergi makan. Kelakar, sebab engkau kata engkau dah taknak rapat ngan dia. wth woi (maaf, aku tak perlu panggil kau kawan kot).

Lepas tu, engkau pernah cakap ngan aku pasal satu perempuan nie. Kau kata dia berlagak. Engkau kata mentang-mentang dia bawak kereta, dia dah tak rapat ngan kau. Makan pun dah tak ajak. Engkau kata engkau dah taknak cakap lagi pasal dia. Mahu aku ketawa? Sebab engkau tetap cakap pasal dia. Engkau tetap mengata dia sedangkan diri engkau pun serupa macam dia. BERLAGAK.

Engkau nak tahu apa yang engkau berlagak.? Engkau berlagak tapi sebenarnya otak kau kosong. Engkau tak reti buat kerja. Engkau ingat engkau bagus tapi sebenarnya habuk pun takde. Seriously, sebab selama ni kerja engkau aku yang tolong. Sebab selama ni pada aku engkau mintak tolong. Mahu bukti? Aku beri kau part paling senang untuk buat assignment. Bahagian suggestion. Bodoh sangat ke kau tak tahu nak buat suggestion and conclusion? Last2, kau tanya aku macam mana nak buat. Aku bagi kau all the point dan kau cuma perlu tulis. Sedangkan aku terpaksa menghadap bahagian yang paling susah! Nak harapkan kau? Memang hancur kau tak ingat, makan dadah banyak sangat kan. Macam tu lah. Oh, perlukan aku tutup perkataan dadah tu? Tidak rasanya. Ha-ha. Aku wish parents kau tau link aku nie. Atau patutkah aku bagitau parents kau sebab kau dah buat tahik ngan aku. Takpe, jangan risau. Aku takkan buat macam tu. Biar kau tanggung derita tu sorang2. Sorry lah, engkau cross the line already.

Lagi? Hmm... let's see..... Engkau bila dapat message awal pagi dari laki, terus konon-konon dah bangun dan melayan message orang tu. Wahai manusia, sedar lah yang dia sebenarnya masih tidur. Alasan "oh, i memang bangun awal." atau "i nak kemas bilik" atau "i nak kena basuh baju lahh" atau apa-apa lagi lah. Segalanya adalah bullshit. Again, BULLSHIT! Aku duduk kat hostel dan punya beratus-ratus kawan perempuan. Nak tau, only 10% akan bagun awal. Ramainya subuh terbabas. Dekat 12pm baru bangun. YES! Aku mengaku aku juga antara yang bagun lambat. Tapi kalau aku tiada kerja baru aku bangun lambat. Tak pun, aku bangun dah pagi tu. Golek-golek atas katil. Turun, jalan-jalan kejap. Pastu, takde kerja! NOTHING! Aku berehat lah sebab aku takkan tahu bila next time aku dapat rehat secukupnya.

Lagi... lagi... Oh, mungkin cukup setakat ini. Jumaat, aku taknak mengumpat lebih2. Siapa makan cili dia lah terasa pedas ok. Bak kata sorang bekas budak masscomm yang memang tak layak jadi masscomm.. ADa aKu kEsaH...???

Hey, it's been 15 years..!

Yesterday, i started a new semester. Part 5 student. Oh yes, it does feel great. Graduating soon, continue my studies, and yeah. I am lazy but i just feel like i want to keep on studying until i feel tired and sick of it. As for now, I'm still good and can cope with it. However, i knew that this sem would be a very hectic one for me. A very very very stressful one. See how many VERY there? As i actually screwed up last semester result (frust giler), I'm going to work really hard this sem. Sorry guys, no more playing for me. I need to graduate with a 3.00above. There, just let it be and never look back. As what Madam Aiza (my law lecturer) told me before, "Never look back.What matters the most is what's in front. If you had lost your past, you still have your future. Never let go of your future cause of your past." Well, thank you madam for giving me a very great advice. Okey, cukup. Hope for the best for new semester. That's all.

Okey, yesterday was also the day standard 1 student first step to school. Ouh, how sweet. Imagine soon I'm going to be a mother and I'll bring my kids to school. They'll cry all day because they're scared. I mean, it's a normal thing right.?

Back there, when I was in standard 1.. I didn't have the same experience as what other kids does. Well, or at least I didn't experience what my sister does. When she was in standard 1, everybody came to school for her. Waited her during recess because she do not know how to buy things. Get cheated because she don't know how to count. I mean, it doesn't matter because all that is an experience. At least, that's something for her. Oh yes, I felt jealous.

When i was in standard 1, my mom only waited for me half day (or at least a day). She had to go to work. And for a week, my grandparents came during recess to bring us foods. Later then, I had to stay with my sister. Yes, they told me "Adik, lepas kelas tunggu kakak kat sini. Jangan ikut siapa-siapa." but is that enough? I experience and see what they did for my sister. I knew it was different. And yes. I don't have a lot of friends back there in Kg. Tunku. So i actually sit with my sister and her friends. But she said "Adik, pergi la duduk dengan kawan awak. Sibuk je dengan kakak" and when i said i want to eat but i don't know how to buy, she brought me to the makcik nasi lemak and said "awak beratur sini, tunggu turn. ambik nasi lemak ni. bagi duit, tunggu duit baki kalau ada and pergi duduk makan." My God, i felt like crying. So there i was sitting ALONE watching my sister with her friends and eating nasi lemak. I tried to remember who were my friends back there. But i couldn't remember any. I remembered i was in 1Mawar or was it 1Melati. Something like that. And i remembered a boy named Amad. Or at least i called him that. Haha..

Why do i remember him? Cause he always try to cheer me up during recess. When i was eating, he'll come to me and pull my hair. Then I'll run to him and main kejar-kejar dekat padang. But of cause i can't eat with him cause he lepak with the guys and I'm such a shy-shy cat. Muahahaha.... When i got used to Kg Tunku and had make few friends, my mom had been offered to work at PJ. So, we had to moved from SS3 to Bkt Gasing. Which means, we had to change school. So, after the mid term break, i now an Assuntarian.

Again, i had a difficulty to make new friends but not my sister. I was lucky that the day I register there was another girl registered also. She's an Indian girl. We go to the same class, 1 Baiduri (haha.. first class babe). And i remembered when I entered the class, it was seni class. The classmate shared their things with us. And my mom went to work after everything was settled. I had my same problem. During recess, I'd go to my sister and eat with her. And got a scold from her. Somehow, her friends were nice. I remembered crying in the school toilet because i miss Amad to kacau me and also because i was alone. I mean, come on.. I was only standard 1.

So, there i was buying again nasi lemak. And sit alone eating and watching other students playing. How sad. Yes, i had much fun when i was in Kg Tunku. Ouh, did i mention about my experience during sekolah agama..?? Nope. I didn't. Well, i'll just continue later. Now, I have to go to class.

Daa~